4-25-2015
First Pact Report
Well, I have to say , not being slightly Lazy, is not my strong suit. but since the beginning of my Pact with Belial, I have to say things in my world have increased and have been differant from what I expected, but better in may ways. As a part of this Pact involves the Invokation and Posession of Belial and his Familiars into my body and Vessel, I have felt a very interesting sense of feeling "Fuller" as well as having the sensation of "Seeing through some sort of lenses, as if I really am seeing through someone elses eyes. This is actually a phenomenon with all of my senses, taste, hearing, feeling, all of them. Very much like the events when I was active at church and "Compelled" to speak, and when I would ask "What am I going to say, these people want nothing from me", and the Reply would be "Open your mouth and I will put My Words into it"; then the entire time feeling as if every part of me was some sort of programmed puppet , without its own will but completely at the whim of the Spirit speaking through me. Not at all unpleasant, very much the opposite- I am still fully in Control of my will and Actions, but feeling as if...like when weightlifting and my spotter is helping abit as in 'forced reps'.
I have to learn to pay very much better attention to the subtle things in and around me. in my former years, i became used to and expectant of "Profound" and Overly Overt happenings. if a Spirit came to me, they would be perfectly clearly visible, moving things, and whatever. but this was back in the day when clearly whatever forces acting upon me, (what I believe are the YHist familiars) were intent on feeding me and performing at and to me in order to cause my psychic and other senses to actually Atrophe and my Will actually becoming Lazy; expecting to receive whatever without any actually work or action on my part. back to the weightlifting analogy; I would lay on the bench, but without even grabbing hold of the bar- the weights would be raised and lowered, all the time I would be under the influence that i was becoming stronger in the forces which brought to pass the effect- but was not.
It is nearly every day I find some little things which has happened along the way, which I have overlooked as is may not have tuned my eyes into the etherial surroundings and their workings.
For instance, the other day, which I wrote about in my journal, [something I should do better], an interesting event happened, which had actually happend afew days before and I totally did not even give it a thought.
On the morning of the 23, I went to bed after my regular Envokation and hour of post ritual cool down by listening to Binaurals. As I can sit in my chair and look directly at my Sanctum, and see it is just an empty dark room, if there were lights on it would be inescapable to see. I woke up about 02-ish to deal with the dog and go to the bathroom, on the way back, there was nothing to notice with the room, i admit I do look at it often just to feel good that it is there. About 0330, I had to get up and again deal with a dog, open a gate- nothing other to notice when I glanced at the door.
At 0530, thanks to Boo, I had to get up and let her out, and as I looked, the light appeared to be on in my sanctum! That was quite strange as I know my wife did not get up, and in now way would have anything to do with the room. I went to the room and opened the door to look in. Every Single Candle of which I have carved the sigil of Belial was burning! I went and looked at them and they look like they had been going for about an hour. I looked at them carefully and notcied while I was in there there was a 'Full and Warm Friendly' sensation. I had to control the thankful excitement, but thanked Belial, and blew out the candles, and went to bed, then after about 30 seconds decided to get up and see what time it was in order to be able to write it down with some exactness, it was 0523.
I thought about it all morning thinking on the singularity of the event when it dawned on me,--- it had happened before. On the 18th- the first day of the Pact. When I got up after listening to Binaurals, I noticed the light on in the sanctum, and when I looked in all 3 sigiled candles were lit. But I gave it no thought other than I" must have forgotten to put them out", which is totally a non happening. So essentially this has happened 2 times already in this PactWorking.
One thing I find interesting, is that on the 23, the ritual seemed purvaded by a 'you need not work a ritual every night' feeling, and so after about 20 mins, I did close down. kinda worrying that maybe it is me who was not doing something right. But I do take this as a clear friendly sign of acceptance, and it is much appreciated.
