The other night as I was getting going on my Envokation ritual, I had a singular interesting experience occur. I have no doubt at all my rituals are bringing in Belial, and his Company and Familiars; but sometimes I get too caught up in wanting huge personal materialisation, and even know I have no doubt that is on the way, anyone who knows me know I want what I want Right dammit now!
So, earlier that day I had taped up a sigil in a new place on my altar so it would be in direct line of sight for me without having to move my eyes in any direction to see it.
As I lit my candles, and began lighting my 3 sticks of incense I noticed that 2 streams of the smoke went straight up as they should, but one did not go up at all, but cut straight across, to the left, I figured it was just something weird and sat down, and watched as the stream still cut straight left, around my Black mirror then cut straight diagonal right. I got up and followed the stream, and it led right to the posterboard sigil which I had taped up and had fallen down out of sight and to a small kinda crampy to get to place. I stretched down, grabbed it, got some more tape, put it in its proper place , after which the stream of smoke immediately followed straight up with its companion streams as it was originally intended.
Now, I could be all demanding and not settle for anything less than absolute physical materialisation, and whatever, but it seems obvious to me that Belial, the Demon King I am currently Pact Working with, and his Legions and Familiars are very present, and agreeably fulfilling their part of the pact in a very pleasing manner.
This is not to say I have made no progress toward materialisation; indeed I have, but it was small and only enough that I could in about 20 seconds with my eyes closed sketch out a simple picture of Who I was seeing through the fog,[or whatever it was which somewhat obscured my view].
I have had to work out some hard pondering about why things at this time of my life, where I feel I am far more developed and psychologically mature, seem to be far more difficult to achieve. When I was a child, from about age 9, I would have no problem having Spirits, Demons, Angels, whatever, just appear to me, inside, outside, day night, public like in the middle of a school class or football game, or private like my bedroom, church, whatever. NEVER, never would I be at the time, thinking about them, wishing for them, praying for them, asking or anything, just Boom-"HHhhere I am !!!" When I began learning what "Schitzophrenia" was at about 14 or 15, I had nothing but inner turmoil that I may indeed be insane. Why not? not one person I would discuss with as far as friends or family , or even counselors, church leaders of any level, had ever had any such experience. Maybe someone saw a ghost or had some sort of 'spooky' experience, always the well worn Ouija board experience, but nothing ever on the depth and level I was experiencing. So, how welcoming it was when I began reading the Joseph Smith experiences- or should I say claims. if anybody should understand what was roiling about inside me he would. The more I delved and studied, the more I found that at least one person- as well as his closest followers, were familiar with the same phenomena I was. however then another shelf in the back of my head began collecting items, and would decades alter become a veritable library, that was the shelf of discussions with church leaders and other 'religious' people, who would say; "Well, those things do not really happen any more, and you really should not talk about it, but leave it to the General Authorities". Save it be for the Temple Workers where the events are abit more open and appreciated.
Recently I believe I have made some breakthroughs in understanding, which the bulk of I will discuss later, what I have figured out is the "Beings" I was being subjected to in the form of a tug-o-war taffy pull for my soul, were at an early age conditioning me, like we would for animal training. providing "Food" in the way of 'spiritual experiences' freely without my having to do anything, the plentiful and often I was 'fed' the less effort I really needed to put out, and therefore would always become weak and dependent on the 'Source' and never so much as thinking that within me is an enormous infrastructure which I could access and use and bring about any "Spiritual" endeavor and experience, from bringing any God, Demon, Entity to me and working with or even for me in accomplishing what I Desire and Will to bring to pass; to Going to where they are and having free and complete cooperation and communion. bring up a young simple human with a ready filled trough of what you tell them is all they need- you will certainly have a compliant cattle, knowing only it exists to do "Thy Will", and hopefully knowing nothing more. unfortunately for some; fortunately for me and others, I had a very deeply ingrained wrench in my matrix- somehow I learned I had a Will, I had a Soul and I had the inalienable Right and Power to 'Rebel' and do "My Will", and thus, a threeway taffy pull was developed. The ramifications of which I am only now learning to appreciate and actually Love myself for.
All of this from a simple rebellious stream of incense not 'Rising in Harmony' with the obedient majority... who would have known?
