Being heard and encouraged forward

4-25-2015

                                       First Pact Report

Well, I have to say , not being slightly Lazy, is not my strong suit.  but since the beginning of my Pact with Belial, I have to say things in my world have increased and have been differant from what I expected, but better in may ways.  As a part of this Pact involves the Invokation and Posession of Belial and his Familiars into my body and Vessel, I have felt a very interesting sense of feeling "Fuller"  as well as having the sensation of "Seeing through some sort of lenses, as if I really am seeing through someone elses eyes. This is actually a phenomenon with all of my senses, taste, hearing, feeling, all of them. Very much like the events when I was active at church and "Compelled"  to speak, and when I would ask  "What am I going to say, these people want nothing from me", and the Reply would be "Open your mouth and I will put My Words into it"; then the entire time feeling as if every part of me was some sort of programmed puppet , without its own will but completely at the whim of the Spirit speaking through me.  Not at all unpleasant, very much the opposite- I am still fully in Control of my will and Actions, but feeling as if...like when weightlifting and my spotter is helping abit as in 'forced reps'.
  I have to learn to pay very much better attention to the subtle things in and around me.  in my former years, i became used to and expectant of "Profound" and Overly Overt happenings. if a Spirit came to me, they would be perfectly clearly visible, moving things, and whatever.  but this was back in the day when clearly whatever forces acting upon me, (what I believe are the YHist familiars)  were intent on feeding me and performing at and to me in order to cause my psychic and other senses to actually Atrophe and my Will actually becoming Lazy; expecting to receive whatever without any actually work or action on my part. back to the weightlifting analogy; I would lay on the bench, but without even grabbing hold of the bar- the weights would be raised and lowered, all the time I would be under the influence that i was becoming stronger in the forces which brought to pass the effect- but was not.
  It is nearly every day I find some little things which has happened along the way, which I have overlooked as is may not have tuned my eyes into the etherial surroundings and their workings.
  For instance, the other day, which I wrote about in my journal, [something I should do better], an interesting event happened, which had actually happend afew days before and I totally did not even give it a thought.
  On the morning of the 23, I went to bed after my regular Envokation and hour of post ritual cool down by listening to Binaurals. As I can sit in my chair and look directly at my Sanctum, and see it is just an empty dark room, if there were lights on it would be inescapable to see.  I woke up about 02-ish to deal with the dog and go to the bathroom, on the way back, there was nothing to notice with the room, i admit I do look at it often just to feel good that it is there. About 0330, I had to get up and again deal with a dog, open a gate- nothing other to notice when I glanced at the door.
  At 0530, thanks to Boo, I had to get up and let her out, and as I looked, the light appeared to be on in my sanctum!  That was quite strange as I know my wife did not get up, and in now way would have anything to do with the room.  I went to the room and opened the door to look in. Every Single Candle of which I have carved the sigil of Belial  was burning!  I went and looked at them and they look like they had been going for about an hour.  I looked at them carefully and notcied while I was in there there was a 'Full and Warm Friendly'   sensation. I had to control the thankful excitement, but thanked Belial, and blew out the candles, and went to bed, then after about 30 seconds decided to get up and see what time it was in order to be able to write it down with some exactness,  it was 0523.
  I thought about it all morning thinking on the singularity of the event when it dawned on me,--- it had happened  before. On the 18th- the first day of the Pact.  When I got up after listening to Binaurals, I noticed the light on in the sanctum, and when I looked in all 3 sigiled candles were lit.  But I gave it no thought other than I" must have forgotten to put them out",  which is totally a non happening.  So essentially this has happened 2 times already in this PactWorking.  
  One thing I find interesting, is that on the 23, the ritual seemed purvaded by a 'you need not work a ritual every night' feeling, and so after about 20 mins, I did close down. kinda worrying that maybe it is me who was not doing something right. But I do take this as a clear friendly sign of acceptance, and it is much appreciated.

An interesting experiance

        I haven't written anything in quite some time, mostly because for some reason I just do not understand how to make all the bells and whistles which are available to me to work. I need to spend more time on Youtube I suppose, but so far when I go there I only find people who just say look at all the things you can do- as if the person is fluent in operating things- and then zzzzoooommm!!! Of they go clicking buttons and flying from one page to ten others so fast I end up in worse shape and more intimidated than before.  Truthfully, I am sure I have actually gone backwards in learning- it is extremely annoying.  So, having gotten all that out of my system.

  The other night as I was getting going on my Envokation ritual, I had a singular interesting experience occur.  I have no doubt at all my rituals are bringing in Belial, and his Company and Familiars; but sometimes I get too caught up in wanting huge personal materialisation, and even know I have no doubt that is on the way, anyone who knows me know I want what I want Right dammit now!

  So, earlier that day I had taped up a sigil in a new place on my altar so it would be in direct line of sight for me without having to move my eyes in any direction to see it.

   As I lit my candles, and began lighting my 3 sticks of incense I noticed that 2 streams of the smoke went straight up as they should, but one did not go up at all, but cut straight across, to the left, I figured it was just something weird and sat down, and watched as the stream still cut straight left, around my Black mirror then cut straight diagonal right.  I got up and followed the stream, and it led right to the posterboard sigil which I had taped up and had fallen down out of sight and to a small kinda crampy to get to place. I stretched down, grabbed it, got some more tape, put it in its proper place , after which the stream of smoke immediately followed straight up with its companion streams as it was originally intended.

  Now, I could be all demanding and not settle for anything less than absolute physical materialisation, and whatever, but it seems obvious to me that Belial, the Demon King I am currently Pact Working with, and his Legions and Familiars are very present, and agreeably fulfilling their part of the pact in a very pleasing manner.

  This is not to say I have made no progress toward materialisation; indeed I have, but it was small and only enough that I could in about 20 seconds with my eyes closed sketch out a simple picture of Who I was seeing through the fog,[or whatever it was which somewhat obscured my view].

  I have had to work out some hard pondering about why things at this time of my life, where I feel I am far more developed and psychologically mature, seem to be far more difficult to achieve.  When I was a child, from about age 9, I would have no problem having Spirits, Demons, Angels, whatever, just appear to me, inside, outside, day night, public like in the middle of a school class or football game, or private like my bedroom, church, whatever. NEVER, never would I be at the time, thinking about them, wishing for them, praying for them, asking or anything, just Boom-"HHhhere I am !!!" When I began learning what "Schitzophrenia"  was at about 14 or 15, I had nothing but inner turmoil that I may indeed be insane. Why not?  not one person I would discuss with as far as friends or family , or even counselors, church leaders of any level, had ever had any such experience. Maybe someone saw a ghost or had some sort of 'spooky' experience, always the well worn Ouija board experience, but nothing ever on the depth and level I was experiencing. So, how welcoming it was when I began reading the Joseph Smith experiences- or should I say claims. if anybody should understand what was roiling about inside me he would. The more I delved and studied, the more I found that at least one person- as well as his closest followers, were familiar with the same phenomena I was. however then another shelf in the back of my head began collecting items, and would decades alter become a veritable library, that was the shelf of discussions with church leaders and other 'religious' people, who would say; "Well, those things do not really happen any more, and you really should not talk about it, but leave it to the General Authorities".  Save it be for the Temple Workers where the events are abit more open and appreciated.

  Recently I believe I have made some breakthroughs in understanding, which the bulk of I will discuss later, what I have figured out is the "Beings"  I was being subjected to in the form of a tug-o-war taffy pull for my soul, were at an early age conditioning me, like we would for animal training. providing "Food"  in the way of 'spiritual experiences' freely without my having to do anything, the plentiful and often I was 'fed' the less effort I really needed to put out, and therefore would always become weak and dependent on the 'Source'  and never so much as thinking that within me is an enormous infrastructure which I could access and use and bring about any "Spiritual" endeavor and experience, from bringing any God, Demon, Entity to me and working with or even for me in accomplishing what I Desire and Will to bring to pass; to Going to where they are and having free and complete cooperation and communion. bring up a young simple human with a ready filled trough of what you tell them is all they need- you will certainly have a compliant cattle, knowing only it exists to do "Thy Will", and hopefully knowing nothing more. unfortunately for some; fortunately for me and others, I had a very deeply ingrained wrench in my matrix- somehow I learned I had a Will, I had a Soul and I had the inalienable Right and Power to 'Rebel' and do "My Will", and thus, a threeway taffy pull was developed. The ramifications of which I am only now learning to appreciate and actually Love myself for.

  All of this from a simple rebellious stream of incense not 'Rising in Harmony' with the obedient majority... who would have known?

The Weird Wild World of 

                        Demonic        

                     PACT MAKING

"Selling your soul to the devil" ?!  The usual tickertape which streams through the human mind when such a topic gets brought up.   It is near impossible to NOT have such a reaction. Tragically, even amoung those in the "Occult community",  selling your soul to Satan is really the only concept our minds can conceive.  Do a Google search for "Make a pact with a Demon", like I have for the past 6 months, other than how many hundreds of thousands of "how to sell your soul to Satan",  "How I sold my soul to Satan", and any number of configurations of the concept,  it is highly unlikely, if not a numerical non possibility to actually find an Advanced Intellectual addressing of the issue.

I am going to try to avoid discounting or offending "Satanists", many of whom I discuss with often trying to find actual experiential practice and knowledge instead of the unexperienced "Angry High Schooler rebellion tirade",  strenuously cemented with the latest rehash of medieval ravings of "Hail Satan!!!"  I have my own experience with 'Satan', or at least Entities claiming to be such, and 30+ of theological study while immersed in what is called the "Right Hand Path Current" certainly stuffed my head with voluminous amounts of words, less than a dusting of which came remotely close to experience or reality.  So for those 'Satanists'  out there, if you don't like what I say by all means I am likely screwed up.

I will say at the outset, and I agree with E A Koetting more often than not, we in the Occult World have to retool our entire vocabulary, seize back from "Holydom" the words we use and as best as possible etch in granite the Definitions.  For over the past 2500-3000 years, and especially since the rise of those Intellectual blights called JudeoChristianity and Islam [a obvious and poor retooling of its own],  words like  "Daemon", "Spirit", "Worship"  "Ritual"  "Evil"

"Righteousness" "Holiness"  "Darkness"  "Light" "God"   "Angel"  "Devil" have all been completely wrested of their Original meaning and intent.

It was reletively not long ago that to carry the name of "Lucifer"  was an indesputable and Empowering Honor, and the farthest thing from being equated in any way with the ever overpowering Evil named "Satan"

The very concepts of Good and Evil, must be not only redefined,  but Accurately and if possible scientifically defined.

Gone are the days wherein it is assumed a Deity says; "Thou shalt not kill", having obedience to that an indisputable act of goodness, and the very assumed entity commanding "Thou shalt utterly destroy" every man woman and child and beast, and have it be accepted as goodness as well.  Good cannot be "because it is us"  nor can evil be "because it is not us".  The "Gods of our tribe"  cannot declare the "Gods of another" "Opposers of good and evil" without a readily recognisable resume' and scientifically acceptable history.

So what is all this blather about ?  it is about I am going to be entering into and performing a Pact. A Pact Working with an Entity long considered "Evil",  Labelled either Accurately or Inaccurately as a "Demon". It is bad enough and even insulting that he is slandered by self avowed enemies; but those who claim his allegiance and alliance seem well comforted to accept the slander and Strenuously Grotesquely Expand upon it in what appears to be some sort of race to see who can desecrate and defame and a form of "Anti-Glory" which is supposed to ingraciate his Name- and others to them for this great favor.

The Demons name?  BELIAL.   Why do I choose him for my first Pact Working, that will be explained during the process.   Now what I am not saying is that Demons, Devils or whatever are actually the fluffy loving cherubs or daisy handing goody two shoes types. But there is no need to run out of Black Paint where he or others are concerned without due evidence of the need. As it is, the Like of YH, YHWH, or the other "Gods" and or "Angels"  for which multitude flock to bath in the light of their assumed Divintiy have plenty of canvas left for the use of that.

So this blog will be for the recording of the thoughts and events concurrant with this new endeavor. This endeavor which will I hope be only one of dozens more, which I hope will begin to start the Reclaiming of the Accurate Meanings to the Names of the Demons I plan to be working with.
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I cannot answer for everyone, but in general I believe if you ask the average person of Christian orientation you meet  "How do you feel about Posession"? , you likely will get a deep visceral revulsion of the thought. Here is where I think 2 concepts need to be looked at.
  When I was younger, and going to church, I would hear to things being used interchangably, and finally when I could take it no longer I went home and opened a dictionary It did not define "Opening Prayer"  but prayer was there and was basically 'a supplication to a Deity'.  That was fine and easy enough, but then I had to find out this other word... "Invocation" which was also an act of praying, but with the added sparkle of being an act of allowing another Spirit Demon or Deity to actually enter into a physical body- or appear in physical
form.  Being a christian hearing the words "Fill me with Thy Holy Spirit" was such a sweet way of taking the Excorcist concept of Posession and making it a very wanted thing in ones life. After all; if the devil can enter you and make you do something- certainly you would Want God to do so even more.  
  It would be many many years before the ramifications of "Invocation"  or how I prefer to spell it- Invokation, would become a bright beacon showing that just because something is 'done in the name of Jesus' does not sanctify the person or the work they use for that "Invoked"  spirit.  Humans are very simple seeking animals. Do not give them to many choises, they may just get confused and go away. Tell them, there is only One Good God, and only one Bad God,  they can handle that as long as you do not try to explain WHY the One is Good and the Other is Bad.